Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
