Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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