you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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