Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
