think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
