I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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