That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize