if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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