3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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