Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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