some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
