this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
