I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
