They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im holly from the hills drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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