This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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