I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
