Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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