i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
