It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
