You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
