i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize