You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
