i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I deserve this hangover.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
