OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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