my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
