So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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