your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
