i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
