Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
