do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
