I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
