i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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