Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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