when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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