so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
