woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
