I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
