Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
