I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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