capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
