He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
