I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
