Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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