Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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