I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
