Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
