meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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