Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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