your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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