He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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