You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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