Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
