Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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