I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
