So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
