You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
