I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my shit smells like andre
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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