Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
