Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
