i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
