Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
