whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found your dick twin last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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