I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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