So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
