last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
