I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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