Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
