I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
