what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to make out with him forever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
