I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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