I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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