Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Im part way to drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
