P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
