were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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