Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
