you would pick up someone in the library
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
