Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
