The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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