Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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