Soap is not a condiment
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
