i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
