you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
