HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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