everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
