I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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