I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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