There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
