But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
