Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize