i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
