We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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