I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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